Two Funerals

As autumns go, this one hasn't been the best. I don't mean that the season itself has been bad; in fact, the fall colors have been quite spectacular this year. What I mean is that the Tolen family has faced some challenges recently that created a pretty significant amount of stress for us.

The most prominent of these stresses were the passing away of Chris's grandfather, and three weeks later, his father. Grandfather (age 92) lived in New Mexico. His passing in September was unexpected, and yet not unexpected, either. While not in dire health, he had declined significantly over the past few months. Upon the news of his passing, we quickly arranged to drive to New Mexico for the funeral services.

Grandfather's funeral was held in the St. John's Methodist Church in Santa Fe--a beautiful structure, and a kind, loving congregation among whom Grandfather had been an active part for all his life. My children, never having experienced any other religious practices outside of our own, had several questions about the attire of the leadership (the robes, sashes, etc. worn by the priests (bishops? Deacons? I'm not sure what the proper terminology is), and about the service itself, which involved lectures about the scriptures, unfamiliar hymns, and several instances of repeating lines back to the clergy as they read from service books and hymnals. I had the opportunity to sing as part of the service, which was humbling and quite an honor--especially to sing in such a beautiful edifice. Both Chris and Zach were pallbearers for Grandfather,and Zach especially felt special to be included among the grandsons in this sacred duty.





Perhaps the most inspiring part of the funeral service, though, took place at the Veteran's Memorial Cemetery, where Grandfather was interred. Following the funeral, we all followed the hearse to this breathtaking cemetery--thousands of perfectly spaced white grave markers--where the Navy reserve conducted a second, smaller service to honor their fallen comrade. The service included the folding and presentation of the flag, a 21-gun salute, and a "send-off" by military officers. I think all of us were particularly moved by this patriotic presentation.

We had only just returned from New Mexico, though, when Chris's father (Richard) took a turn for the worse. He had been living in a Beehive Home (an assisted living facility) nearby us since last summer, and seemed to be thriving there. But Grandfather's death seemed to be particularly hard for him, and he was in quite compromised health to begin with. Only a week after Grandfather's funeral, Richard passed away, too.

Because Richard had spent most of his adult life in Santa Fe, we found ourselves packing up the car yet again and heading back to Santa Fe for Richard's memorial service. This time, my children got to see what it's like to attend a High Episcopal church service in the Holy Faith Episcopal Church in Santa Fe. If I'm being honest, it was not a comfortable experience for us. Our own religion has some ceremony, yes, and so did the Methodist service. But this was nothing like any of us expected. The rituals and rites were confusing--sometimes spoken while walking down the aisle carrying banners and flags, sometimes sung to some of the loudest (but greatest) organ music I've ever heard in a church, sometimes chanted from the back of the chapel, and sometimes spoken from rameumptoms in the front of the room. Candles were lit and extinguished, wafers and wine were issued to the believers...honestly, I have very little idea what most of it was about. And the kids are even more baffled. But we all agreed that this would have been the service that Richard wanted, after his many years of service as a deacon within the Episcopal church.

In addition to the funerals, all the kids have been busy this fall with their own activities. The abbreviated version features Zach marching with the high school marching band, including a tour to Southern California last weekend. Izzy auditioned for and was cast on the junior high Shakespeare competition team, and they traveled down to Cedar City (in between funerals) to compete in the national competition there. PG junior high took all-around first place--a rewarding payoff after an endless stream of rehearsals. Joey began art lessons in September, and Ben...well...Ben hasn't done anything new. He's just been Ben.

Chris has been traveling quite a bit this fall, too, as his business has seen some action of late. And my teaching schedule is nearly killing me. Fortunately, the semester is starting to wind down.

I'll add more details later of our comings and goings. We're all looking forward to a California vacation during Thanksgiving week...more travel, yes, but under less stressful circumstances. And perhaps as we move into winter, life will settle back down.